OkCupid User: PraiseHound
55 / M / Straight / Single
I praise the lord but I can dance like the devil. I’ll get this out of the way right up top: voice sounds EXACTLY like Paul Lynde’s. Don’t know how, don’t know why! My momma taught me the phrase “God made me this way” and I use it. A LOT.
What I’m doing with my life
I help at the church. Protestant. I’m not a “man of the cloth” but some of my best friends are!
I walk with a bit of a limp but that doesn’t stop me from my passion, ballroom dancing. Still looking for that perfect partner. One who doesn’t mind me stepping on their toes every once in a while! Or getting their shoes a little wet!
And don’t bother asking about the limp. I never got into an accident, God just made me this way! (See, what did I tell you??)
I’m really good at
People think I’m a fuddyduddy but I’m actually have a pretty high tolerance for “the grossities” in life. I have to drain weird liquid from my foot about once a week. And well, I poo myself. A lot. I wear special underpants for it, and yes, I keep myself clean. I’ve seen doctors and specialists but they don’t know what the problem is. I guess you could say that…well, y'know! God made me this way!
The six things I could never do without
1. My cream. I have this weird rash on my leg that never seems to go away. I suppose it’s more of a decay. So I use a thick polymeric cream every day that sort of serves as a liquid skin and keeps my muscles and blood from spilling out. (Though a lot comes out when I drain the bubble on my foot, an unrelated issue.) God made me this way
2. My courage. As a youngster, I would accept any dare from the boys in my neighborhood because I desperately wanted to play with them. One thing was that I would put ANYTHING into my mouth. Get. Your mind. Out of the gutter. This instant. I would eat sand, flowers, whatever. One of those things was a giant scary spider. I took a deep breath and put it in there. That thing wound up biting my tongue like you wouldn’t believe! And I ‘spose it was a momma spider because she layed a whole mess of eggs in the wound on my tongue. Well for weeks, the doctors were pulling little dead baby spiders out of my mouth because the little pests kept hatching. I couldn’t talk for an entire year. I’ve spent the rest of my life catching up! Guess that’s the lengths you gotta go to keep my BIG MOUTH shut! God made me this way
3. My tail. I’m a Protestant, but the Indians or something say a baby born with a tail is a special kind of blessed. Well consider me blessed. NOT cursed.
4. Trademark lazy eye!
5. The good book. It has helped me through so many traumas. Like my recurring Ascariasis. It’s a parasitic roundworm that keeps finding it’s way into my tummy. The doctors can’t explain it and I’ve given up trying to! I just consider them a part of me now. And God made me this way…
6. A glass of wine at the end of the day. Because I need it. I collect antique decanters. I’ve ruined so many, though. I guess my sweat slowly dissolves metal.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why did god make me this way?
You should message me if
You don’t mind someone that’s a big ham! Also, juicy, pink all over, smells of poo, afflicted with a specifically porcine-prone recurring parasite, and has a tail.
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