OkCupid User: ASSHUNTER_taco
28 • M • Austin, TX
My self-summary
DRINK, EAT, FUCK AND HUNT 22/7–THE OTHER TWO HOURS IM SLEEPIN WHAT
What I’m doing with my life
11AM: WAKE AND BAKE UNLESS MOM IS STAYING OVER
12AM: FIRST BEER, LOOK UP GIFS OF GIRLS IN ATHLETIC WEAR, FAP
1PM: SIT OUTSIDE WITH GEORGE, EAT WINGS
2PM: GO DOWN TO CAIN & ABELS GET TRASHED
6PM: GO OUTSIDE FOR EXERCISE BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING MAN
7PM: GRUBTIME, PROBABLY BBQ BUT AUSTIN HAS A LOT OF FOOD OPTIONS
8PM: SEE LIVE MUSIC
9PM: TRY TO GET FUCKED (KAREN?)
10PM: FUCK OR CRUSH MORE BEERS
12PM: GO HOME
1AM: GRAB MY SWORD FORGED FROM THE STRONGEST METAL, BLACK OUT
2AM: AWAKEN IN THE WORLD OF URUK, BREAK BREAD WITH THE COUNCIL OF ELDERS AND RECIEVE INSTRUCTIONS FROM NINSUN THE WISE
3AM: TRAVEL PAST THE MOUNTAINS TO THE EVERGREEN FOREST WHERE THE HELLBEAST KNOWN AS “HUMBABA THE FEROCIOUS” GUARDS THE ORACLE. DIG A PIT, REFILL WATERSKIN, WAIT.
4AM: UPON THE SOUND OF HIS ROAR IN THE DISTANCE, CHOP DOWN A CEDAR TO GET THE DEMON HUMBABA’S ATTENTION. APPRECIATE THE SWEET SMELL OF PINE BEFORE HIS ARRIVAL AS IT IS THE LAST MOMENT OF SOLACE BEFORE THE BATTLE. ENGAGE WITH THE BEAST. ATTEMPT TO SEVER HIS LIMBS, WHILE AVOIDING HIS GIANT CLAWS, SCORPION-LIKE TAIL, AND TERRIBLE SERPENTINE PENIS (HE WILL USE IT)
5AM: (IDEALLY) PIERCE HUMBABA’S NECK WITH THE SWORD. AVOID HUMBABA’S TRICKERY (I ALWAYS FALL FOR HUMBABA’S TRICKERY) AND FINISH HIM. DIG THROUGH HIS ENTRAILS TO FIND THE ORACLE (HE SWALLOWED IT, WHICH IS WHY HIS BELLY GLOWS)
7AM: IF MY MISSION IS SUCCESSFUL, PRESENT THE ORACLE AND THE SEVERED HEAD OF HUMBABA TO AYA, GODDESS OF DAWN, REST
8AM: RE-ENTER THE MORTAL WORLD, CHILL OR MAYBE XBOX
9AM: GO TO SLEEP
REPEAT EVERY DAY UNTIL HUMBABA IS FINALLY VANQUISHED AND I AM FREE OF THIS CURSE
The first things people usually notice about me
MYSTERIOUS SCARS, MY TATTOO (HEINEKEN LOGO BUT IT SAYS “HUNGOVER”), SWORD FORGED FROM THE STRONGEST METAL
I’m really good at
BEER
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
NO BOOKS
THE HANGOVER, EXPENDABLES (1 & 2 BUT FUCK 3), ROCKY, TERMINATORS, ANYTHING WITH JOHN CUSAK THAT IS ONE DAMN FUNNY FUCK
TV IS FOR LAZY PEOPLE
AUSTIN HAS GREAT LIVE MUSIC, I JUST WALK DOWN 6TH STREET TIL I HEAR SOMETHING I LIKE. ALSO SHAMASH, LORD OF THE MOUNTAIN PLAYS A SONG ON HIS ARGHUL THAT IS PRETTY COOL
FUCKIN BBQ WHAT
The six things I could never do without
1. GEORGE
2. COLLEGEHUMOR ORIGINALS
3. THE SHRINE OF IRINI, WHICH SERVES AS A COMPASS ATOP THE MOUNTAINS
4. KNOWLEDGE OF DEMON HUMBABA’S SEVEN TERRORS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM
5. BRAVERY AND RESOLVE
6. SWORD FORGED FROM THE STRONGEST METAL
On a typical Friday night I am
HUNTING FOR ASS OR HUMBABA THE FEROCIOUS, IDEALLY CONQUERING BOTH
You should message me if
FUCK IF I KNOW IM A MIXED BAG
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